Birthdays/Anniversaries and Joy/Sorrow

May is a time of great joy in our house. My Emma turned 11 the other day. And we had a great time celebrating the joy that she brings and gives to us. She is a sweet, giving child with a servant's heart. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. We are thankful for her.

At the same time we always deal with a great deal of sorrow in May. Our sweet babby boy Zebulon Adam was born in May. He was stillborn at 22 weeks. We miss him still. Even though we never got to hold him this side of Heaven we miss him. Makes no sense to someone who has not walked the path we have.

I realized today that yet another May has passed by and we are still missing Zeb. I picture him with Jesus holding his hand as he walks the streets of gold. Talking to my daddy - my daddy loved his grandbabies. He loved being a granddad. He took great joy in the job of being a granddad. I picture Zeb with a head full of curls and a smile just like my beloved's. I miss him. I have marked yet another year since we lost him.

Some days it doesn't bother me because I know he's in a WAY better place than we are. Others it hits me right in the gut. Takes my breath away. Like when Charlotte said to me a few weeks ago "If Zeb were here he'd be friends with the Kriner boys." It had never occurred to me until that moment that yes Zeb, Micah and Caleb would be the same age and best of friends. It makes me enjoy the twins more when we are with them.

Today I also realized that I go through May in a fog. I can't focus. I'm forgetful. I just do the next thing. Put the next foot in front of the other. I don't think the Lord means me to live like that every year. And I know my Zeb would not want us to be that way. So I made a promise to myself today that I would be focused on the joy, the moment and the time we have here until we get to see him in heaven. So, as a friend of mine said today, I'm trading my sorrows in!

God is good all the time and I am thankful for the joy that May brings. I choose to focus on the joy.

In Christ's Abundant love,
Peg

Things that bring me joy...

I've had a bad week so last night I decided I would try to focus on the positive and let the Lord deal with the junk for me. So here are some things that bring me joy:

1 - Roses in the spring. The scent of them in my house.
2 - My beloved coming home to me every night.
3 - My beloved waking up next to me.
4 - My kids telling me they love me.
5 - Charlotte when she comes out with some totally adult comment. It blows me away that she is five and knows what random means. And uncomfortable - that she uses them in perfect context. She is FIVE!
6 - My girls joy in learning new things. That is such a blessing. I see so many kids who are bored learning and my girls thrive on it.
7 - Knitting with new yarn.
8 - Knitting with old yarn.
9 - Who am I kidding? Just plain knitting makes me so happy. The colors, the texture, the smell of the wool and oh yes the finished project. God is so good in allowing me to still learn new things.
10 - A good book.
11 - When my Lord speaks so clearly to me.
12 - That my Lord bothers to speak to me at all brings me such joy. Amazement - daily.
13 - My girl friends - old and new.
14 - Seeing my girls become accomplished at life.
15 - Knowing my babbies are with the Lord and I'll get to meet them (and him) face to face one day.
16 - A cold glass of perfectly sweetened iced tea.
17 - A hot pepperoni roll.
18 - A good piece of chocolate.
19 - A diet coke - cold.
20 - Phone calls with my girlfriends. I praise the Lord daily for all of them. I would never make it without you all.
21 - A warm shower
22 - Air conditioning that works.
23 - Time to knit with a friend.
24 - Time with my Lord.
25 - A kiss from my beloved.

So that's my list for tonight. What's your list look like these days? I keep reminding myself that the Lord is in charge and he has plans for me. Plans only for my good. Plans to prosper me. And I'm open to and thankful for His care and plans.

In Christ's Loving Arms,
Peg

Joy of the Lord...

I got to see the joy of the Lord this weekend. Now what did I do you ask? I went 5 hours away from home with fourteen yes 14 teens to a winter retreat. We were there with 565 teens from all over the state. All there to have fun, fellowship with other believers and just possibly get a glimpse of God's face. We did that and so much more.

I just have to tell you - in case you don't already know ;) - I'm not the fun mom. Never have been, likely never will be. I'm ok with that. I was there for crowd control. Or that's what I kept telling myself when I signed up to go. Amazing how the Lord works even with those of us who are reluctant (that'd be kicking and screaming "I don't wanna - I don't think I can") participants.

Now let me tell you what really happened. I got to be with 14 of the coolest, fun, amazing, intelligent, beautiful people on the planet this weekend. And yes they are all teenagers! I had the best conversations with these young people - some at 2 in the morning, others sitting on a stairway in the middle of a building, and still others driving down the road. The genuine love these kids have for each other and for the Lord just blows me away. The light in their eyes and the joy on their faces as they sang and danced while praising the Lord was a beautiful thing to behold. And yes, to be a part of!

I saw them step outside their comfort zone, open up to the Lord, let go of some baggage that was not theirs to carry and accept the Lord where he met them. I saw others gather round and love on each other and yes pray for one another. I saw them help one another through and the giving spirits they all have.

I prayed with kids, cried with kids, hugged kids and punched boys in the shoulder (gently of course) - 'cause you know boys don't like hugs. ;) And the entire time I thought "Lord please be with me, help me to know what to say and what NOT to say to these beloved children of yours. Lord, I am woefully and grossly unprepared for this." I pray that I was a blessing to these wonderful kids - they surely were a blessing to me.

So today try to figure out a way to spend some time with the teens in your life. I promise you won't regret it. I surely don't. I'm ready to go back next year!

In Christ's Amazing Love,
Peg

How are you living?

I heard a song today about living in the moment and enjoying your life. I wondered how most of us live our lives? Are we living for the next thing to happen? Are we living in the past - focused on what might have been? Are we trying to live someone elses life instead of our own? I know it sure seems attractive when your friend's lives seem much more fun, easy, loving etc. But that's not OUR lives.

Are we living the way the Lord would have us live? Are we telling those we love that we love them? Are we hugging our kids and taking the minutes to look into their eyes and see who they really are - Who God created them to be? Are we allowing ourselves to grieve when we need to? Are we joyful in the small and the big things? Are we willing to sacrifice the ideas of what the world would have us do for what the Lord wants us to do?

I know that I want to be the light the Lord would have me be and I want to be of use to him here and now. How that is to play out I surely don't know but I'm done waiting on for that next thing to happen. I'm here and willing and I'm ready now to do whatever He calls me to do. My God has plans for me to live abundantly and to prosper me. I want to live MY life! I don't want to miss out on one single thing He has for me!

So how about you? How are you living your life? Is this where you want to be? Is this where the Lord would have you be?

In the Midst of Christ's Plan,
Peg